Tuesday, March 6, 2018

the earthly conqueror and the eternal king

     A man rose from the ashes of a fallen kingdom with knuckles of brass and passion burning like a fire in his eyes. His promises were tempting, his words polished and smooth on his tongue, and stories of his character reverberated through the people in songs of praise. His aura was of strength and youth, sweat and blood, battle and victory, and legends branded him with the title of a true conqueror. 
    Late one night, he leaned against a balcony railing, slid his palms across the shimmering golden surface, and his chest swelled with satisfaction at the sight of the city beneath him. It was all beneath him, literally and figuratively. Every inch of the land, every building, every bit of wealth, every creature, every soul suppressed and contained within the boundaries of his country belonged to him. He ruled over all of it. He could almost feel the power crackling through his veins, in his bloodstream, in his bones. His own promises echoed in his mind, accompanied by his plans to fulfill every single one of them. 
    He turned swiftly, with a dignified sweep of his robes, and strutted through the palace doors. He entered a magnificent room with pillars that stretched so high, a person would have to completely tip back his head to view the ceiling, and then he would have to walk a great distance to comprehend the full extent of it. There was a massive table at the center of the room, with gold lining the edges and ancient symbols embroidering the varnished legs and surface. The king lowered himself into the chair at the head of it, and his callused fingers began to trace over the map spread out before him. With unfeigned zeal, he studied the etched shapes that represented kingdoms beyond the borders of his own. He analyzed the markings he had made of the locations of his armies, considered the extraordinary strength and number at his advantage, and his battle plans for the future that were complex, intricately formed, having been examined from every angle. He was ensured of success. The future was stretched out before him, and it breathed to him of his glory radiating within every household, every city, every country, from the heart of his palace to the edges of the earth. It whispered that the world was for his taking, that nations would bend and bow, fold at his will, and shatter at his fingertips. Yes, he would grip the world with his brass knuckles, iron fists, and it would crumble before his eyes. Then he would build it back up again as he pleased, and the lips of those young and old, rich and poor, would proclaim his name and shout it from the rooftops. His name would be buried in the bones of those who dared defy him, and it would mark the beginning and end of every year, every age, every moment of passing time. His legacy would carry on, and people would thrive and break and breathe and die at his command. He would forever lack any need for children, or a queen, or any other. Yes, he had advisors, but his word was always superior. For he was a god, and they were merely mortals. This was how the world appeared through his warped lens. 
    For years, his reign continued, his riches multiplied, and his kingdom surpassed the wildest dreams of those who had ruled before him. It seemed that he crushed even his most feared rivals with ease. Years turned to decades, and the king relished in his victories, but he was never completely satisfied. He was constantly hungering for more, aching to stretch his kingdom’s boundaries even further, longing for new ways to display his power, and though he owned every secular form of wealth, it was never enough. He spent most nights parading with nobles drunkenly through the castle halls, caught up in a wild celebration of himself. He swore all the while that the world was his and that he perched on a throne impossible for him to lose, for he was invincible. However, what he had always refused to consider was that there might be a power greater than his own. This state of ignorance contributed to his downfall. 
    Another king rose up in the east, and he also was a conqueror. His territory trickled into the west, and gradually it crept closer and closer. But the self-proclaimed king of the world was not afraid, for he trusted his armies to annihilate any threat. He trusted in himself and the power he believed he had gained on his own. 
    It was a dreary and fateful night when the king from the east arrived, and his armies were fierce and their precipitous approach unexpected. The walls fell, and battle cries mixed with the clanging of metal against metal and the moans of dying men. The war was over before it had begun. That night, a sword pierced the heart of a king intoxicated with conceit, and as his life bled out and stained red his deathbed of riches and grandeur, he realized that the power flourishing in his veins had always been an illusion. 
    Centuries later, he was simply another name in a history book that a middle schooler studied only to pass a test, and then to forget. The world had never belonged to him, and the land he conquered had never truly been his. For there was, is, and always will be a King far greater than any human ruler. The worldly kingdoms rise and fall at His hand, while His sovereignty endures forevermore. The earthly conqueror has no true power compared to that of the eternal King, for the world bows at the Creator's fingertips alone.

Saturday, February 24, 2018


i was rooted to the ground with my knuckles full of grass
as the sun bled across the land and spilled over my hands
it reared its golden head and swallowed the night
i lost my breath as the skies collided

suddenly i was just a human with life teeming from my fingertips
and the hardships of this world meant nothing
they soaked out of my mind like the dew into the air
and so did the futile words on the tip of my tongue

the wind through the trees breathed a spring song
and the earth was wakeful
it was existing
it was alive

and so was i

Friday, February 16, 2018

if you ever return

you’re thousands of miles away from where you used to roam
you don’t think about me or the ocean or anything that reminds you of home

you probably don’t remember the tangled, twisted roads you knew like the back of your hand five years ago
or how at night the sky stretched out around us, and it made us feel so small
just two awestruck kids, wide-eyed and bound to the face of the earth by gravity
while the universe cradled our minuscule world in its starry hands

you probably don’t remember the wind’s fingers dancing across your skin
with the trees in an evergreen blur and your scabbed knees pumping and sunburnt bare feet pedaling
faster, faster, faster,
while you raised your voice to blend with the shrieks and laughter of the young people surrounding you
and summer kissed your skin and tainted it bronze

you probably don’t remember the afternoons spent sitting crosslegged in your cramped, ratty attic
exchanging dreams and aspirations with youth in our bones and fire in our hearts
armed with our imaginations, we spun stories into makeshift realities 
and climbed up to the roof and proclaimed to the stars
that we would do it all

you probably don’t remember
the lyrics we used to scream out the windows
with windblown hair and grimy hands and eyes squinting in the sunlight
the songs we knew not just word for word
but backup vocals and guitar riffs and everything in between
we sang and danced to them until the words were tattooed to the walls of our minds

there are some songs i always skip when the music’s on shuffle, 
and you probably do the same

we learned honesty 
by confessing we stole the cookies that your mom left out on the kitchen counter
despite the fact that the crumbs were in our grins
and the chocolate was smudged on our frayed and wrinkled jeans
we confessed the secret stash we had in the attic
and insisted that we couldn’t live without it

you promised you would return in two years
but it’s been five and everything has changed
i wish you would have been honest and told us you didn’t know 
when you would return
but i guess some lessons don’t stay with you forever

you probably wouldn’t care that i’m stronger now than i used to be
but not strong enough to dial your number
though i would probably talk about the same things we used to talk about
and you don’t care about those things anymore
and i am only a shadow to you of your past,
a ghost in the back of your head,
a memory shattered along with your childhood 
like you shattered the pictures on your bedroom walls

you’re a different person now, 
and you don’t care about the stars like you used to
or the music
or the roads
or the cookies
or that old bike that carried you everywhere as a kid,
the one you left on the side of the road 

you probably wouldn’t care
that sometimes i spend my mornings leaned over a stained kitchen table 
with a coffee deprived of warmth between my hands
while your sister sobs about how relieving it feels to have someone sober to talk to
about everything that she hasn’t let ruin her as you have
about how if you hadn’t pushed everyone away, 
we could’ve all picked up the pieces together 
like she and i have
like we still are

i heard you married a freckled girl with russet hair
and the bluest eyes your mother has every seen 
and a wild, restless soul

i hope you love her more than you used to love the stars,
and i hope you’ll serenade her in the kitchen to whatever music is your favorite now
i hope you’ll go on adventures with her that surpass the ones we went on as kids
and that you’ll traverse roads with her you love more than the ones you used to follow
i hope you love the home you share with her
like you once loved the home you grew up in

the dreams you have now are probably different than the ones you used to tell me about
but whatever they are, i hope you live them
i hope that
you are not sitting in a bar simply emptying another bottle like you have emptied your mind
i hope you have not let your soul remain as sour as it was the last time we spoke
i hope you will call your sister back when you are sober
and i hope the words you speak aren’t smooth as honey and laced with lies,
i hope you still stutter sometimes as you’re fumbling for the words to describe how you truly feel,
and you take off the mask of your anger when you talk to your wife
i hope you have regained your honesty

maybe one day i’ll call you
and i’ll tell you
that i still dance in the rain sometimes
and i still sprawl out on the grass and watch the stars
and think about the universe cradling the earth in its starry hands
and i am still friends with some of those kids we used to hang out with
but they’re not kids anymore
and sometimes i catch myself humming those songs we used to know 

sometimes i walk down the twisted roads and lose myself in a haze of nostalgia
i have chased the dreams you said we would chase together,
and some of them i have caught
and some of them i am still chasing

maybe one day you’ll return
and i'll show you
and maybe we can mend all the broken ties

maybe you’ll never come back
and maybe that is okay
but even though you didn’t stay
the memories did
and they will forever tell our story

tonight gravity restrains your sister and i from reaching the skies we marvel at from the rooftop
and a dusty attic haunted with memories lies beneath our outstretched silhouettes
we share our dreams in fervent whispers
shiver with wonder when a shooting star tears through the atmosphere
and though our home is rich with memories that taste like pain and heartache
it is also rich with ones that taste like joy and love and healing

tonight, your sister and i promise each other
that if you ever return
we’ll remind you of that

just to clarify, this is fiction :’)

Saturday, February 10, 2018

update: changes


You’ve probably already noticed that I’m not under “Misty” anymore. It was a pseudonym name I used as an extra safety measure because I was younger at the time I started making internet accounts. Now I’m older, and I’m tired of all of my writing and my blog being under a name that isn’t actually mine even though I’ve been doing so for years. It just doesn’t feel right anymore. If that makes any sense. 

My actual name is Savannah, so I’ll be going by that from now on. I’m called Savvy by a number of people, so you guys can call me that too if you want. Whatever suits you. :)

(also I’m working on multiple things + school + life. I promise I’m alive and there will be posts when I regain some time and motivation. how are you guys doing?)

Friday, December 29, 2017

going home

My eyes are glued to the flickering needle on the speedometer.


A freezing current numbs my skin and rushes through my hair. I’ve lost the feeling in my fingers, but for the past hour I’ve been clutching the blanket drawn tightly around my shoulders. Shadows flit across my lap, and headlights silhouette the hazy figures of trees that line the sides of the highway. I was scanning the woods for deer earlier, but the car was flying too fast for my eyes to catch anything. The girl next to me, in the driver's seat, squints into an SUV's taillights. She keeps muttering under her breath about how she hates driving at night, how she has to get up in the morning to start looking for a new job, and that guy better get off our tail because if he dares to take a bite out of her prized, inherited mustang, if he so much as grazes the bumper, why, she'll—

I plug in my earphones and lean back toward my window again, tilting my gaze up to the stars and breathing in the frigid air. Excitement shivers down my spine because I know as each mile passes, I'm getting closer. Closer to home. Closer to the sunsets over the water, closer to the bare earth between my toes, closer to the paddleboard beneath my fingers and knees, closer to my childhood friends, closer to standing around the bonfire roasting marshmallows, closer to my mom hugging me all the time, closer to my dad calling me princess. The girl next to me raves about how she always wanted to get away from her home, but in the breaks to catch her breath, I notice how her eyes hungrily scan the road signs. How when she sees our city in white block letters her lips curve into a smile, if only for a moment. I know our lives are different, but I still ask her if she's missed her family. She takes a deep breath, her hands tighten on the steering wheel, and then she nods, brows knitted together, gaze locked on the road. Shakily, she tells of the fights she had with her parents before she left. How she stalked out the door and into the car and left, just like that. How her sister called crying afterwards. How she stayed angry for so long. Left hand on the steering wheel, her right fumbles through her purse and then withdraws rolling a cigarette between her fingers. She lifts it to the wheel, and I wonder if she'll light it, but she doesn't.

"This," she says, a red glow illuminating her skin as the car slows to a stop. She twists to the side to face me, waving the cigarette in front of my eyes. "This is what they were so mad about. I started it because everyone else was doing it. You know, the cool kids. I got addicted. Every single day, multiple times a day. It was an unhealthy crutch. And I was young. And I didn't want to ask for help." She crushes it between her thumb and forefinger and deposits the remains into a pocket in her purse. She does that thing I’ve seen people do before, where she steels her eyes and wipes her face clean of emotion. Her expression is a blank slate. But she's clutching the wheel in a death grip.

The light turns green, and she's facing the road again. The mustang slides cleanly back into motion. I ask her why there are still packs of cigarettes in her purse, and her mouth sets in a grim line.

"I don't know," she mutters. "It's hard to dispose of something you've clung to for so many years, even if all it's ever done is hurt you. And then I feel that if I throw it all away, something will happen and I'll need it. To smoke the pain away. Because that's how I've always managed when life gets rough. Pathetic, isn't it?" She takes a deep breath and runs a hand through her hair. "But I've finally stopped. I've gone months without it now. I'm gonna throw it all away before I get home, and then I'll be able to tell my parents it's behind me. And I'll be able to move on with my life. Now that I've graduated college, that I’ve got my degree, which really is quite a shocker, I'll be able to get a real job. One I actually like. A better life, too. Maybe I'll even get married or something. Can you see me as a wife? A mother?" She laughs, like it's a joke.

"Yeah," I respond, my voice quiet. "I can. I think you'd be great at it."

She bites her lip, glancing at me doubtingly. "Is that sarcasm?"

"No, I really mean it."

"Oh." She smiles and shrugs. "Maybe one day."

Moments later, we pull up to a gas station because the gauge arrow is hovering directly above E. The girl in the driver's seat zips up her leather jacket and steps out of the car, cradling her purse, and marches towards the nearest trash can. I watch her take out the cigarettes and stare at them for a few moments, and then, hands visibly trembling, she dumps them all. She walks back and gives me a firm nod, stopping at the pump to pay before inserting the nozzle into the gas tank. She does it all with a straight face. Though she's still shaking, she's once again a blank slate.

When she climbs back into her seat, she leans forward against the wheel, eyes screwed shut. I reach across and take her hand. She gives mine a tight squeeze, and she doesn't let go. We sit there for several minutes in silence, until she takes a shuddering breath and sits back up again, releasing my hand and wiping at her eyes. And suddenly, the girl in the driver's seat doesn't look so much like a girl anymore. She looks like an adult who has overcome some great internal struggle. Because she is, and she has.

"Okay," she whispers. "I'm ready to go home."

"Me too," I say, and I pull the blanket up over my mouth, over my nose. I breathe it in, and the scent of my college dorm room lingers in the fabric. A reminder of what I've left behind.

The mustang pulls out of the gas station, and we're back on the highway. I unplug my earbuds from my phone and play all my friend's favorite songs. Her face brightens more and more as each mile passes, and then it's midnight and we're singing at the top of our lungs with all the windows down, and though it's freezing I don't really feel it anymore, and suddenly I know it's all going to be okay.

We're going home now, to start the next chapter of our lives.

tbh I don’t really know what this is. I wrote it kind of late at night earlier this week and it just came out of nowhere and it’s not edited too great and it really is another rollercoaster of mine and now I’m posting it?? but psh whatever, here you go :)

Monday, December 25, 2017

merry christmas

"merry christmas," says the man passing by on the street, with an amiable tip of his hat. 
"merry christmas," says the woman greeting me at the church, with a smile brighter than the sun.
"merry christmas," says the boy handing me my coffee, his eyes alight with joy.
"merry christmas," says the girl behind the store counter, laughter in her voice.

 "merry christmas," i tell them all
                                                   until my tongue is 
                                          of saying it.

but still i tell them because 
                                                                         christmas is a time for giving, right?
                                                   not giving presents,
                                              but giving love.
it doesn't cost anything but                                                       
                                                                          maybe some pride                         
                                                          and differences set aside
                                                             because we are all human,
and we all could use
                                                  a little more love,
                                                       and we all could give
                                                 a little more love.

wow there were so many memories made and there was so much love and joy in my house today, and I almost didn’t see it coming with the stress of exams and life beforehand. it was amazing. it is amazing. Merry Christmas you guys :)

Saturday, December 16, 2017


Today, 10:03 PM
hey there
what’s up?
nm just wanna talk
about what?
u pick
ok hmm
10:05 PM
oh ik
remember that night last summer we went down to the river and dangled our feet in the water and talked about the stars?
oh yeah 
i forgot about that lol
yeah me too, i just remembered this morning
i remember you told me you like stars because they’re always there even when you can’t see them
remember that?
you know how we only see them when it's darkest outside?
yeah lol
people are kinda like that i think
whoa haha ur getting deep again aren’t u
sorry it’s been on my mind today
do you wanna hear about it or no?
ofc i do
go for it
haha ok lemme type it up
brace yourself
oh boy ok
10:09 PM
so this is my idea . . . as long as everyone is doing just great then they blend in with everyone else, cause that’s how everything’s supposed to be right? but then when someone is not ok, people notice. unless like they're rly good at hiding it, but even then people find out eventually. and you know stars shine brightest when they’re dying. the difference is that people are people and not stars and they bruise and they bleed and they break and it's not pretty. but it still attracts attention right? whether or not the person wants it. and the people who notice have to choose how to react, whether they’re going to reach out to the hurting person and help them back up (like people are supposed to do) or whether they’re going to bruise and bleed and break the person more (like people are NOT supposed to do). it is then that more stars become visible because people realize that they are not alone because the hurting people will be reached by people who have gone thru the same pain, people who can relate. and tho it is still dark outside, more and more stars will appear and they will shine because people will come out of the dark when they realize they are not alone. and suddenly the night is set on fire with broken people helping each other heal and light spilling thru all the cracks no one could see before
and yeah i know it is not pretty when people fall down but wow is it something when they help each other back up
you know?
11:12 PM
sry had to finish some hw
u there?
what u said about ppl and stars? wow. i never thought about it like that
ppl hide it when they're not ok cuz everyone wants to blend in
and no one wants to ask for help right
cuz everyone wears masks but in reality we’re all messed up the same
cuz we’re all human
but there is still beauty in our brokenness isn't there? thru the healing
and Jesus makes it all possible 
11:19 PM
and you know it all goes back to what you said last summer
how stars are always there even when you can’t see them
people are all broken even if you can’t see it 
because we live in a broken world
11:37 PM
u have me looking at the stars rn lol
i am too haha
too bad we’re not sitting by the river dangling our feet in the water
it’d be fun to relive that 
lol yeah its too cold tho
our feet would freeze off
 they'd just be stuck in blocks of ice
well thank you for that lovely image
haha ur welcome
11:46 PM
what are you doing?
looking at stars still
and thinking
how tired i am lol
haha go to bed then
it’s late
12:01 AM
you better be sleeping
i'm sleeping
it’s not that kind of tired, is it?
12:15 AM
i remember when you were little it took you forever to learn how to tie your shoes
and your parents stopped tying them for you cause they wanted you to figure it out
so every morning at the bus stop
you would show up with your old sneakers with the soles peeling off and the faded marker on the sides and the shoelaces untied and splayed across the sidewalk 
with your bedhead and that goofy grin
12:57 AM
i remember u
rolling ur eyes
kneeling down on the sidewalk in ur jeans and oversized t shirt
and ur own old sneakers with the soles peeling off and the faded marker on the sides
only ur shoelaces were always double knotted
and u would tie my shoes for me
every day
double knotted em too
hahaha yep
u still double knot them don't u
ofc i do
oh i have another one
remember that time we bathed the neighbors’ dogs in my front yard to earn money so we could go to the fall festival
and one of the bigger dogs broke his leash and bowled me over
you were laughing so hard you didn’t catch him when he charged past you 
so then we had to chase the dog all over the neighborhood, barefoot and muddy and soaking wet, and when we caught him we had to bathe him all over again
and then we had a water fight with the hose and got soap in our eyes and afterward we had to clean up the giant mess we made
but it was worth it
we earned enough to go to the festival too
hahahaha yeah i remember that
u ruined that swimsuit didn't u
yeah we couldn’t get the mud stains out
mom scrubbed it for like an hour
but it was an old one anyway
lol yeah
remember that time we went to the department store at like 11pm
it was to get stuff last minute for your little sisters bday party 
and barely anyone was there 
and we were dancing down the aisles to the rock music they had playing softly
well actually at first it was just me, you were like no way but i was having so much fun and they were playing songs you knew
so we were both dancing down the aisles, laughing and swinging our baskets of birthday supplies
waving awkwardly to the security cameras
and in checkout i was humming to the music and you were struggling to keep a straight face
and the employees were laughing
hahhaha yes 
then we jammed out in the car the ride back
the employees looked so tired
i think we rly cheered them up
yeah i think so too
i'm still kinda embarrassed but it was worth it
lol yep
and then all the study sessions in your living room
with textbooks and papers spread out all over the floor, munching on your mom’s cookies and drilling each other for hours on vocab terms and latin endings and historical figures 
and physics homework oh man
ah physics 
i don't miss that
yeah me neither 
remember how we would always get distracted so easily
we would end up laughing about everything and nothing 
your mom would walk in with her arms crossed trying not to smile
“what on that study guide is so funny?"
hah yeah
and biology dissections
u were so grossed out by everything
oh yeah
i’ve rly never been interested in inspecting the inside of a sheep's brain
or the inside of a frog
or the inside of anything for that matter
no thanks
ur such a girl
but hey you were the one who couldn’t tie your shoes for forever
that says something
good point
good times
i wish we could go back
we didn't have a lot to worry about then
no we didn’t
but i wouldn’t go back even if i could
why not
i would rather keep moving forward in life than backward i guess
that’s how you grow
we’ve both grown a lot 
yeah but if i could change some things that have happened i would
i would change a lot
me too
but we wouldn’t be where we are now if those things hadn’t happened
God works thru the rough stuff 
it’s just natural to get tunnel vision and to think the darkness will last forever
but it doesn’t
but what if it does
what if i never stop feeling like this
what if this feeling always keeps coming back
idk if it's worth the pain
it’s worth it, i promise you
you will be sad again and you will be in pain again, yes
you will also laugh and you will also smile and you will also be happy again
there will be moments where you will be happier than you have ever been
like the day you graduate
like your first kiss 
like an exchange of golden bands and “i do”
like little people who resemble you running around your home
chubby fingers clinging to your shirt
like when you go to all those places on the map on your bedroom wall
remember we sat on your bed that one day and you told me about all the adventures you want to have, all the place you want to go, all the things you want to do
like when dreams become reality
like all the lives you have left to touch and to be touched by
and so much more you can’t even imagine because you are young and you have so much life ahead of you and yes there will be pain but in the end it will be worth it
1:20 AM
our God is so good and the plans he has in store for us we have no idea
don’t you want to see it happen
don’t you want to keep moving forward?
1:38 AM
yeah i do
its just rly hard sometimes u know
i get that tunnel vision like u said and i just don't want to be alive
sometimes i feel like i want to move forward but like my feet are stuck and they won't move 
no matter how hard i try
every day feels the same and i'm tired
i want it to end
i want to move forward into all that happy stuff like u said
but it feels like i can't and i never will
tbh i don't deserve all that either
it’s not about whether or not you deserve it
it’s about how much you are loved by the creator of the universe
and what he plans for you nothing in this world can stand against
stay alive because it’s worth it
stay alive because your life is not your own, it’s in the hands of someone greater who is going to use it to accomplish amazing things you can’t even begin to dream of
and if you are in a period of waiting then that is important and he will use that too
this is a season and it will not last forever
you’ll see
just hold on
u don't understand how hard it is
to hold on
maybe i don't
but i do understand that it’s worth it and nothing worth doing is easy
i understand that you’re worth it
i understand how hard you have fought and i’m so proud of you for how far you’ve already come
i want to be there when you reach all that happy stuff
i want to see you the day you realize it’s worth it
2:05 AM
still looking at the stars?
yeah its a rly clear night
i love it a lot
i know you do
2:36 AM
hey you know what
if you ever need a little reason to hold on
if you love the stars so much
make it that
make it what? looking at the stars?
every night
will you do that for me?
maybe this summer we can do it again
sit by the river with our feet dangling in the water
and we can look at the stars together and talk about them
yeah that sounds nice
let's do that
k don’t let me forget
i won't
the screen is rly blurry and my eyes are burning i think i’ll go to bed now
lol ok 
me too
don’t forget to tell the stars goodnight
haha k
just did
:) good 
gnight, praying for you
get some sleep tonight k? you little night owl
lol ok i'll try
u too
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